Wednesday, 25 March 2015

What Do Christian Single Women Really Want in a Man?

I would like to thank Kejiola (one of the readers of Myss Lafunky's blog) for putting herself forward to write this post. Also, a big thanks to the editor of this blog for coming up with the word 'CREAM'. 

Below is Keji's write up...What exactly do some Christian Single women want in a man
Every time I see this question, my mind flashes back to a Facebook post that was put up by someone I used to know some years back. I do not remember all the comments that followed but I remember vividly that he ended up more confused than he was before he put up that post, probably because he did not get the unanimous answer that he was expecting. While lady A’s answer was: “a honest and faithful man”, lady B was of the opinion that a caring and sensitive chap would do, lady C laid emphasis on good looks, lady D just wanted a God-fearing man (am I the only one that has noticed how loosely the term, “God-fearing” is used when people mention their desired qualities in a potential spouse?). 
Well, my point is that almost everyone had something different to say and the truth is, as a lady, if you have not gotten to that point where all you want to do is live sincerely for Christ and surrender your will for His, your preferences would be as fluctuant as the comments on that post. Take it from someone who has been there and done that, you cannot be sure that you know what you want till you know your God.

Ok! With that said, it’s time to address the guys!

Let me start by sharing with you the word, CREAM.

CREAM means        C – Christ

R – Rules     

E – Everything

A – About

M – Me!

So in relation to the topic, CREAM girls want CREAM guys! It’s that simple! See, no matter how many of the other cool attributes you posses, it can’t work if you are not all about the real Christian life. For CREAM girls, GODLY is the new CHARMING. 
Does this mean you have to be perfect and always act like you’ve got a halo on? No! If you have blood flowing through your veins, then there are chances that like every other man born of woman, you have flaws, serious ones! But what distinguishes CREAM guys from the rest is that they do not use their flaws as an excuse to misbehave. Instead, they are willing to work on their flaws with the help of Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 12:9) and do away with anything that would hinder them from serving the one they love faithfully.

 
Bottom line: You can’t rely on your own strength to love another human. There are times when only the strength from God would keep you going.

For serious minded girls, the focus is not on how robust your bank account is TODAY, the focus is on your future plans and the efforts you make towards achieving them. Luke 14:28 also addresses the importance of planning ahead for the future. So for the guys in the house, if you are in your twenties and are still mopping/grappling around about the path to follow (career-wise and all), you may want to shift your focus from winning over the girl of your dreams to setting goals and working towards them. 
I mean, how we ladies play our “HELP MEET” role when the person we are supposed to be “help meeting” doesn’t even know his way around here. Let me point it out here that there are exceptions, e.g., when God ordered Abraham to move his family to a place where He WAS YET TO SHOW HIM (Genesis 12:1). Hmm..! You see why point No.1 is a deal breaker for us? We know that even if the path to follow is not yet clear, your CREAM-ness (see point 1 for the full meaning of CREAM) would be rich and substantial.


My final point touches on the PHYSICAL aspect. There is no biblical law against having a modest fashion sense and being altogether presentable, so puhleaseeee guys, the next time you want to wear that patterned shirt, do away with the striped trousers like a plague. We love it when a guy has a nice dress sense. There is no crime in smelling good too. Improve on your English vocabulary. Say No to smelling socks. Dieting is not for girls only, if the need calls for it, do it!

- Kejiola

Kejiola is an academic staff member in one of Nigerian tertiary institutions. She considers herself one of the Earthen Vessels in which God keeps His treasures. Her utmost desire is to be in the center of God’s will in every facet of her life. She spends her leisure time watching inspirational movies, reading books that edify and observing nature.
Do you agree with Keji? If you agree or disagree, please leave your comment below or send your view to trulymakingadifference@gmail.com

Monday, 16 March 2015

Do You Know What's on the Inside?

Hello Readers and Followers,

How are you all doing? I would like to thank the person that has nominated herself to write a response to the post: "What Men Really Want". Her post is going to be about what Christian single women want from single men. I can't wait to share the post with you all. If you have any topic that you would like us to discuss or you need clarity about anything, please feel free to send an email to trulymakingadifference@gmail.com  

I think I've been experiencing writer's block syndrome. I have been struggling to share a post and I wasn't sure what post to share with you all. I have finally decided, Praise Jesus with me. It is to be noted that all the posts on Myss Lafunky's Blog usually link back to the vision of the 3 R's for the ministry. A reminder of what the 3 R's are (Relationship with God, Relationship with People, Relationship with your Spouse (or Spouse to be)). I write as I am led by the Holy Spirit.  

Today's post is about appearance.

1 Samuel 16:17 states that: "The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." How great would it be if we all look at the heart and not the outward appearance of others. Unfortunately, we do not have the power and ability to look at someone else's heart.

In the Bible (1Sam 16), Samuel was sent to the house of Jesse to find a new king. When he arrived, Samuel saw Eliab, one of Jesse's sons, and thought that he must have been the one God had chosen to be the next King. Evidently, like the previous King Saul, Eliab was tall, handsome and striking. Guess what? Despite Eliab's physical appearance that exuded being a King, he was not the one God had in mind.

God instructed Samuel not to assess people by their physical appearance! He told Samuel that He doesn't look at the outside but looks at the inside. In this generation where a large number of people's dressing is questionable, I very much believe people would also have instantly chosen Eliab as the next King. Or perhaps, the person's education qualifications, age and marital status would have been considered before the individual had listened to God's views.
 
 
 
Back to the story, each of Jesse's sons passed before Samuel but God did not indicate that any of them was the man He had sent him to find. Finally, David, the youngest son, came in from the fields and the Lord spoke to Samuel, telling him this was the right one.
 
To all my male and female single readers, please do not be distracted by someone's physical appearance, qualifications and age when choosing your life partner, let God lead you like He led Samuel. Despite Samuel being a Prophet, he thought he was knowledgable and wise enough to know who the King should be, nevertheless, he eventually waited to be instructed and directed by God. Are you also waiting to be directed by God? Are you communicating with God regularly so that He can direct you in respects to your choices? 

When we look at someone's outward appearance, we often fail to see what God sees. Like Samuel, we tend to make judgements based on what people look like. However, God doesn't use looks as His criteria. He evaluates people by what's in their hearts. He sees their character, their faithfulness, their future, and their commitment to Him now and in the future.

To my Single readers, do not be charmed by someone's good looks, flattery or attentiveness to you, all of that can be fleeting. Do not be charmed by their title in church, job title, where they work, how much they earn, the church they attend; trust God to direct you as He knows all things, He doesn't make mistakes and He is ready to lead you right and give you the best, if only you'd trust in Him.

To those that are married, perhaps as your marriage ages, your spouse's outward appearance has started to diminish, your wife does not have a flat tummy anymore, your husband now has gray hair and he is losing his hair, or perhaps what physically attracted you to your spouse is beginning to wane, this is the time to remember what God said to Samuel about focusing on what's in the heart rather than what's physically noticeable.

Support this ministry by sharing this post with your friends. Sharing is caring.


- Myss Lafunky

Photo Credit: http://www.theexaminer.com/

Tuesday, 3 March 2015

Keep Your Business Private or Share Your Business?

Do you struggle to decide which information about you to share with others? And which information to keep secret? 

An incident occurred within a group that I belong to, almost everyone of us grumbled and anxiously said: "Please, don't share my private business with others" , "Oh no, I don't want other people to know my business" , "Please respect my private business" etc.
I pondered on it and I wondered and asked myself why are we humans scared of people knowing our business? Could it be because the hearts of humans are desperately wicked as stated in the Bible? Or we don't know what the individual would do with the information that we have disclosed to them?
Could it be fear? Are we fearful about what our information would be used for? 

 
 

How can we balance sharing our worries, letting people know our plans and at the same time keeping our business to ourselves?

I have observed that Christians, in particular, prefer to boast about the things that they are doing right to others rather than their weaknesses. Could it be because we need to protect our good image to others and act as if we do not have any challenges that we go through?

Should we be brave and share all our businesses with others? Or is there a time to share and a time not to share?

 
 

Should we all mind our businesses and just remember to pray for others during our quiet time with God? 

Although I can link keeping our private business to ourselves to the story of Elizabeth and Mary. When Elizabeth was pregnant, Angel Gabriel told Mary (Elizabeth's cousin) after about 6 months of Elizabeth's pregnancy. When Eizabeth found out that she was pregnant, she was not hasty to share the news of her pregnancy with Mary, it was the Angel of God that told Mary. This therefore suggests that, there's a time to share and a time to be quiet about things. 

Also, I am reminded of the story of Joseph in the Bible, who shared his dreams with his siblings. He told his siblings that they were going to bow down for him; his brothers used the information shared by Joseph against him.

Tips for people that are worried to share their private business:

  • Get to know someone before you choose to share your private life with them unless it's an emergency.
  • Let God be your first point of call.
  • Do not suffer in silence.
  • Don't wait for an issue to escalate before you seek counsel.
  • Find a trusted person that you have observed their character through their way of life, through your personal conviction about the person, etc.
  • If you choose to seek online support, it will be beneficial for you to seek face to face counsel as well.
  • Remember that after you have shared your business, you can't guarantee that it will be kept secret. However, you can request for your information to be kept confidential.
 
Tips for people that want to know others private business: 

Ask yourself the following questions:
  1. Why do I want to know?
  2. What would I do with the information? 
  3. Do I really need the information? 
  4. Am I ready to help, counsel and guide the person?
In addition to asking yourself those questions, you should also consider the following:
  • Build a friendly relationship with others
  • Don't demand for people to tell you their private business. It is not a right, it is a privilege for others to share their burdens with you
  • Don't slander the individual that has revealed their private life to you
  • Remember to maintain confidentiality

Do you have any tips on how individuals can balance sharing their issues of life through seeking counsel or friends' views and at the same time how to keep their personal businesses to themselves?

Also, where do you stand?

             OR
 
- Myss Lafunky

Monday, 23 February 2015

The SWAG Christian | What's the fuss about?

Ever wondered why it is cool to be part of SWAG Christians, and are you aware of the benefits? 

To be SWAG is to be Someone Who Adores God. How can you as a Young Person be SWAG?

10 Things To Consider
  1. Read your Bible every day and Obey the gospel of Christ. 
  2. Keep yourself pure.
  3. Build a Christian personality and character.
  4. Serve God and use your talents for God.
  5. Lead others to Christ.
  6. Encourage and help others. 
  7. Be faithful throughout your life.
  8. Avoid godless chatter.
  9. Prepare to have a Christian home.
  10. Prepare yourself to have a decent profession; to be the best in your career.

Have you identified any of the above points that you need to improve? Make a list of ways that you need to increase being SWAG.



Are you wondering what the fuss is about being SWAG? (You will gain a lot if you read/click/open the Bible scriptures below):

To be SWAG means
 
  • You are confident in your choices and decision making as God will be leading you. He will be directing every step that you take (Ps 37:23)
  • You will be wiser than your age (Ps 119:98)

  • God will be revealing the hidden and secrets things to you (Jer 33:3). How awesome is it for you to be privy to information that others do not know.

  • God will be rewarding you and favouring you on a daily basis (Deut. 28)

  • You won't have any guilt or shame in life (Rom 8:1-2)

  • You won't allow anyone to control your emotions (2Tim 1:7)

  • You have the assurance of making heaven regardless of when you die (John 14:1-3)

  • You are quick to identify your weakness and work on it (Heb 12:5-8)

  • There won't be a secret that you are ashamed of (Phil 3:7-10)


Be a SWAG Christian.

- Myss Lafunky

Photo credit: http://www.chrisheinz.com/

Monday, 16 February 2015

Caution: Slow Down

Happy Monday to my wonderful readers and followers, 

How is your week going? 

Today's post is about being hasty.

God's wisdom says that it is dangerous to have zeal without knowledge, and the one who acts hastily makes poor choices (Proverbs 19:2). 

Did you know that being hasty is not a virtue that we are to have, except to obey God's Word and to finish an urgent task? Only in such things should we hurry (My opinion). Otherwise, wisdom and caution are required before a decision is made so that you don't make a mistake or fall into an error.

If you make a decision in a hurry without taking your time to research, it is called ignorance. 

God condemned being ignorant and hasty as traits of the fool. In the book of Proverbs, the author stated that before decisions are made and actions are taken, a careful study and a good acquisition of knowledge need to be undertaken. Ignorance is no bliss. Therefore, gather all the relevant information that you need before you make a decision. 
 
If others tease or criticise you for being cautious before you make a decision, ignore them. There is no honour in rushing decisions without adequate preparation and research. I have been in several situations where I was in a haste to make a decision (and yes, I made those decisions) but I ended up facing the consequences. I have also been in a situation where I was not in a hurry, by the time I did my research, weighed up the pros and cons, I made a better decision, which paid off.

It could be argued that many people would have gotten along as friends if they had slowed down to consider the consequences of their actions. Also, many homes would not have been wrecked if individuals considered the consequences of their choices.

Some people enter into conflicts because of their lack of patience. The Bible says that it is folly and shame to answer a matter before fully grasping the issues (Proverbs 18:13). This suggests that in the place of correcting an issue or solving a problem, you must not be too quick to make a decision or judge a case without fully understanding the issue.

A wise person questions everything (Proverbs 14:15) before he or she makes a decision in order to avoid future trouble.
 


 
To my dear Readers and Followers,

Do you prove facts before acting or deciding on an issue? 

Do you join a church in a haste without finding out about the church? 

Do you preach a message in a haste without taking time to plan? 

Do you enter a relationship in a haste without taking your time to find out about the person and ensure that where you are heading is what you want and what God wants for you? 
 
Do you think carefully before you commit your finance into that project or supposed investment?

The Bible condemned ignorance. God wants us to prove all things and examine all directions from all angles before we make a decision.

Don't be in a haste to make a decision. I understand that this generation likes to make a decision in a quick manner, however, this is dangerous as the likelihood of making a mistake is high.
Only be quick to make a decision if it is in relation to obeying God's Word or when you are running away from sins.

Enjoy the rest of your week


- Myss Lafunky

Tuesday, 10 February 2015

What Men Really Want

Below is a guest post from one of my Readers and Followers. Please, read and leave a comment and also share it with your friends. I learnt a few things from the post.  I guess nobody is above learning.

Do you agree with Sage's views of what men want in a woman? Readers and followers are welcome to contact me via trulymakingadifference@gmail.com if you would like to write a female's perspective of what women want from Christian men.

So I came up with this title when driving home one day from work. I decided on this title because I felt it’s high time our young ladies had an idea of what a man wants from a man’s point of view; not women magazines or health books like TD Jakes once said (I’m paraphrasing him here). So this is my attempt, albeit amateurish and solely based on experience, to paint a picture of what men really want.


While researching for this article, I Googled the phrase ‘what men really want’ and to no surprise Google turned up articles that took the physical angle of sex, dirty talk and looks. I doubt nobody will go "what!?" Nothing on character!!! So how are women to know the characters that are dear to men and better still, born-again men?



Before we get into it…..WARNING! This is a no holds barred article. Now that’s sorted, let’s start with sex. Sex was created by God to be enjoyed in marriage between two people. Sex is truly a pleasurable experience…don’t ask how I know LoL. Someone told me/old things have passed away/#speakingforafriend. Herein lies the problem; let’s stop by 1Pet.2:11 (GNB): "I appeal to you, my friends, as strangers and refugees in this world! Do not give in to bodily passions, which are always at war against the soul". As a born again single or about-to-be-married sister, does it then mean you can’t please your man before marriage?

Then we have the other part……dirty TALK! If you can’t engage in fleshly desires as a born again single sister then what is the purpose of talking dirty to your boyfriend or soon-to-be married man? That brings us to Eccl. 1:2: "vanity upon vanity, all is vanity". Then you swing by Timothy (1Tim6:20 & 2Tim2:16) and we are warned to abstain from idle talk.

That leaves us with looks. There is this belief among girls of nowadays, especially the bodied ladies… if you’ve got it, flaunt it. My sister undeceive yourself (Pro 31:30)…less is more. Let’s see what the Bible says in Gen.24:64-65 (NKJV): "64. Then Rebekah lifted her eyes and when she saw Isaac she dismounted from her camel. 65… the servant said, “it is my master.” So she took a veil and covered herself." As a guy, it isn’t an easy task staying with a pure heart and mind…especially those of us that used to be in the world. As Myss Lafunky once said: "Sisters lets dress to save not dress to kill." Now I’m not saying you should go caveman and not take care of your looks but I’m saying as a born-again brother, the only way I can be attracted to you as a lady is when you dress decently. Rebekah had that understanding.

So, if these things aren’t meant to apply to us as born-again Christians what does? The answer is simple…character and attitude, meaning your behaviour. Now, I can definitely tell you, there is no point dressing like an Esther or Rebekah and having the behaviour of a Jezebel or Vashti…..you will definitely lose your place as a Queen in the home.
 
For the mathematically inclined sisters let me give you a simple equation:

S + E + X= 48%

B + E + A + U + T + Y = 74%

Take an average of BEAUTY and SEX= 61%

That leaves 39%. Know fully well that this average will decrease with time. Why? Prov. 31:30: "Charm is deceptive and beauty disappears……"

H + A + R + D + W + O + R + K = 98%

A + T + T + I + T + U + D + E = 100%

Take an average of HARDWORK and ATTITUDE = 99%

That leaves 1% which can be easily filled by all the extras (that can fade away or change: looks, style, fashion sense etc.)

In my own opinion, there are three things in no exact order of importance that can make a man love you to the extreme and make you the queen of his heart and home.

  1. Respect
  2. Loyalty
  3. Attention
Respect: I know I said in no order of importance but hey… power of the pen. Why is respect important in a woman’s character? Well, as always the Bible has the answer, let’s check it out. Est. 1:11 tells us how the king ordered for Queen Vashti and surprise she refused. How dare her refuse the call of the king? The man in charge of the home. Guess what happens next? Typical manly behaviour (no time to understand why… just what is the next step)… the king spoke to his guys and of course you know what his guys suggested. Ladies I can tell you, if you do not respect your man he will never put you in his home. Even the mother (wonderful women they are) would refuse such a union. Let’s also stop by at Luke 7 and read the story of the woman that washed Jesus feet with oil. Hey NO THKS oh! Let me make my point; her sins were forgiven because of the respect she showed our Lord Jesus Christ.
 
Then we’ve got Eph. 5 which tells us about what men and women of God are expected to do. When a lady respects her man, she respects his authority and submits to him. Submission to a man’s authority is not a sign of weakness but instead a sign of strength. You may be wondering how….I’ll tell you. Nowadays, we have much more successful and career-oriented women that in some cases are doing better than their men. How easy is it for such a woman to submit to her man? Prov.31:25 says: "She is STRONG and respected and she is not afraid of the future." For every Vashti, there is an Esther. May you be an Esther in Jesus name.


Loyalty: Just as respect is an important trait, so is loyalty. How many men do you think will want to marry a disloyal lady? Swing by Prov.31 and let’s see what I mean. As a woman, there are certain commitments that men expect their woman to be faithful to; now we’re not asking for a superwoman but a woman who stays faithful to her commitments. As a single woman, your loyalty can be judged by how you keep to your promises or better still the way you apply yourself to the things you are committed to. When you read about the Prov. 31 woman, she is a woman who is faithful to her commitments and in verse 29 it shows the reward for loyalty.

You want a man that will treat you like a Queen? Be loyal to him….don’t jump ship whenever his faults turn up or whenever he doesn’t react the way you expected him to react. Even for my fellow men in the world, loyalty is a big deal…I’m sure we know the Chris Brown song "these girls ain’t loyal" (I listen to the radio lol). How much more for us brothers in Christ. When you see your boyfriend or fiancĂ©e going through a tough time, there is no better time to prove your loyalty to him than by sticking by him and encouraging him. Mal. 2:15 warns men against treating the wife of our youth wrongly; the Bible is clearly on your side.


Attention: Now on this issue, I would like to dispel the myth that men don’t need attention. Ladies, forget about it. If you don’t pay attention to the man, Ekaette will take your place in the blink of an eye. The more attention you shower on a man the more he would love you and praise you. Ladies I repeat, MEN LOVE ATTENTION. FACT! How do I know this? Lets look at Luke 7 again, the lady in the story paid attention to Jesus and He forgave her sins. You may be asking, how do I combine school work with church duties and still give my man attention? Well, you need the grace of God. You also need to learn how to manage your time and priorities.
 
As a man, it would be unfair if we don’t understand your busy schedule but that understanding is on the basis that at some point such a schedule will not last forever. If it does, the understanding will instantly go out the window. This is one of the things that made Vashti lose her crown to Esther; the king called for her attention and she denied him; but when Esther went without been called, look what happened (Est.5:2-3). Prov. 31:27 is a good example and see what verses 28 & 29 said of the woman who paid attention to her man and family. See what the King was willing to do in Est. 5:6 just because of the attention she gave him.

In these times of the feminist movement and more career-oriented ladies, these traits are even now more important than ever. May God give you the grace to be a Proverbs 31 lady because it is there and then alone would a brother-in-Christ want to make a fellow sister-in-Christ his Queen.
 - Sage
 
Sage is a graduate of human resource management and a 24/7 salesman. A clay in the hands of the Potter, he is on a journey to knowing God and becoming the man God has called him to be. He has a passion for football and society at large. In his quest for knowledge, he has recently restarted his passion for reading books. He lives in Lagos, Nigeria.
 

Wednesday, 4 February 2015

Am I right? Or Am I wrong?

There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in sin and death (Proverbs 14:12 NLT)

Which paths are you following? 

Why do you believe what you believe? 

What is your source? 

Can your source be trusted? 

Is there any information you are struggling to believe? 

Do you know the end of the current life choices that you are making? 

 
The path our life takes is the result of our choices and circumstances. We choose the path we believe and we are influenced by our society, environment, culture and religion when we make our life choices.



 

When I was growing up, I was in an environment where it was cool to read horoscopes. I was told about my star sign by friends; on a regular basis, I had checked the newspaper or a magazine for predictions of my behaviour for the day. I never knew it was wrong to believe in horoscopes, I was oblivious to the danger, nobody had challenged me about it, in fact, it was a cool thing for you to know your horoscopes when I was a teenager. 
 
As I learned more about my faith in Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit taught me that, it was an abomination to God for His children to believe in horoscopes. The Word of God says in Deuteronomy 18:10-14 that, anyone who practices divination or tells fortunes or interprets omens, or a sorcerer or a charmer or a medium or a necromancer or one who inquires of the dead, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord. For anything that I needed to know about my life, the creator of my life had put an answer to it in the Bible or alternatively, the Holy Spirit would teach me.
The Bible and the Holy Spirit have brought peace of mind, positive thinking, and re-assurance about my future in comparison to horoscopes.

I was able to establish that the choice that I had initially made when I read horoscopes was wrong. My question to you readers and follower is: "How would you know if the choices that you are making are right or wrong?"

How would you discern whether the choices that you are taking are true and pure? You need the help of something that is greater, higher and wiser than you to know if the choices that you are taking are the right choices for your life. 

You need Jesus Christ, He knows everything, including the hidden and the secret things.

Why not let Him guide you in your values, opinions, choices and in the decision that you are taking so that you can be the best in life.

- Myss Lafunky

Photo Credit: http://shelbycollinge.com/